President Eisenhower Conducted Secret Meetings with Aliens, Ex-Pentagon Consultant Says

As we celebrate President’s Day, we’d like to bring you news of Dwight Eisenhower’s three meetings with aliens, related to the press recently by a former US government consultant.

Yes, dear reader, you parsed that correctly. The 34th President of the United States reportedly set out “telepathic messages” to extraterrestrial intelligent life forms to arrange a series of meetings between intergalactic beings and the free world.

This is all according to UFO lecturer Timothy Good, who also happens to be a prominent and respected academic, having consulted with the U.S. Congress. In his own words:

Alien invasion remains an unconfirmed but potential threat to all humans. Such an invasion need not be flying saucers with laser. It could be as simple as an Andromeda Strain scenario in which an alien microorganism terrorizes our species. Whatever the case, we wish you a happy rest of President’s Day!