Massive Radioactive Solar Outburst Headed Toward Earth, Geomagnetic Storm Imminent

An enormous solar outburst is traversing space at enormous speeds and headed straight toward our planet at this very moment. Tonight, the Earth will be bombarded with a blast of energy from the sun. Stargazers will witness some of the most spectacular Northern Lights displays of their lifetime, due to the geomagnetic disruption of the Earth’s atmosphere. At the same time, U.S. scientists and military will be closely studying the energy and communications grids for any sign of malfunction. NASA, an agency that is usually the first to debunk end-of-the-world conspiracies, has admitted in the past that if solar flares were violent enough to trigger an all-out geomagnetic maelstrom, energy and communications would be disrupted worldwide, causing a conservative $125B in damages. With a downed energy and communications grid, the world could quickly descend into TEOTWAWKI panic and do untold damage to not just the economy, but our entire civilization.

In general, humanity is very unprepared to deal with these solar phenomena. The occurrence of these coronal mass ejections is as tough to predict as their effects. I’m no scientist, so let’s let Wikipedia tell us what actually goes down in such an event:

 
While the experts are saying that this geomagnetic disturbance will cause only minor disruption at worst — the truth is the experts are still figuring it all out and anything is possible. We’ve come a very long way in the last 20 years toward understanding how the sun’s violent outbursts interact with our planet, but there is still much left to discover. With a giant radioactive solar wind about to enter our atmosphere, I think I’m going to stay inside tonight and double-check the emergency supplies.